Monday, April 27, 2009

lessons learned

Lessons Learned
It was 2:30 in the morning and all I could hear were crickets chirping and the settling of the house. My dad had grown restless and gone on a late night walk around the neighborhood. Before I knew it, it was 3:30 a.m. and there was still no sign of him. I heard a loud bang and tires screech as someone sped down the street. I hear a very familiar voice yell "help! I've been shot!" I frantically jump out of bed and run down the hall to see what had happened when all of the sudden it hit me that my dad had been shot in my own front yard. After about forty five minutes of dealing with cops the scariest moment of my life happened, watching my dad leave in an ambulance not knowing if I would ever see him alive again or if the next time I would see him would be in a casket.
I was terrified at that moment because I knew that I was the reason that he couldn't sleep, I was the reason that he had taken that late night walk and if he were to die that night it would be entirely my fault. Before I had gone to bed that night I had argued with my dad for hours, it felt like it would never end. I told him of everything that I didn't like about him, I didn't hold anything back. I told him of how I hated him and that I wish I would have never had to live with him, that I would have rather never known who my father was then for me to have to see him on a daily basis. I can still see his face when I told him he was a sorry excuse for a father earlier that night, but as I sat and watched him bleeding to death in my front yard unable to move any of his limbs I regretted every word that I said to him just hours before. My grandma would always share quotes with me, most of them were from the bible but others were from the books that she had read. One of her favorites was “Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in this life” by Jean Paul Richter. (Richter) That entire night while I was waiting to see if he would make it through the night that quote in particular kept playing over and over again in my head, almost like a broken tape player.
I couldn't help but think that if I had thought before I spoke or if I had just handled things more rationally that my dad would have been in bed sleeping like a baby and would have been spared. Instead he was laying in my front yard, yelling in pain, his clothes were drenched in sweat, and blood covered his entire stomach. I rushed to get a pillow and cover him in blankets to keep him from going into shock. The whole time I was thinking if I hadn't been such a teenage drama queen about not being able to go stay at a friend’s house that night this would have never happened. I had taken my dad and all he had done for me for granted. I got lucky and got to see my dad alive after hours and hours of surgery and many close calls of almost losing my dad that night.
Sitting alone in the waiting room at the hospital it hit me; I could walk out of those glass sliding doors knowing that I will never again see my father alive and that it is completely my fault. I was the spoiled brat that got anything and everything that I wanted, and if I didn’t I would through a temper tantrum until I did; but this time to my surprise my dad didn’t, and wouldn’t, give in. As the doctor walked in the door and informed me that my dad had made it through the night and would indeed, with time, be ok but possibly would never walk again I thought about how my childish actions had almost cost me my one and only father. I thought of how I was only thinking of myself that night; that I didn’t care about how my dad would take everything that I was yelling at him.
My actions that night took a great deal from dad; he now has half a liver, one kidney, and is buried under massive amounts of hospital bills along with the many bills from the numerous amounts of doctor visits he had to go to. After almost a year of physical therapy and other minor surgeries my dad finally started to be able to walk with the help of a walker and eventually with a cane.
“Most human beings have an absolute and infinite capacity for taking things for granted” (Huxley) That night, not only did I take my dad for granted, but I didn’t stop to think about anyone other than myself. I got a second chasnce to really appreciate my dad and all that he has done and continues to do for me every day. I had to learn the hard way not to take anything for granted, that at any moment anything could be taken away from me, even my own father. “It made me have a much greater understanding of loss, of loneliness, and the level of intense tragedy that so many people have experienced in this world, I take a lot less for granted.” Adrien Brody (Brody)

Writer’s Memo
This essay is really personal to me and was extremely emotional for me to write about. I really had a hard time going back into the moment without completely sucked into all of the many events that happened. I had a really hard time trying to piece together my paper and all of the events of the night that I wanted to mention. I really struggled with the begging and then again with my conclusion. I also had a really hard time finding quotes that I hadn’t been told by grandmother. This essay was just really difficult for me overall.

Works Cited
Brody, Adrien. "Adrien Brody Quotes." 2007. 5 Feb 2009 .
Huxley, Aldous. "Take for Granted Quotes." 2006. 5 Feb 2009 .
Richter, John Paul. "Inspirational quotes Dealing with People." 2008. 5 Feb 2009 .

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