Friday, January 30, 2009

its a scarey feeling

I know that writings are supposed to be read but for me when I have to share my writing with others its a scarey feeling. Writing is such a personal thing for me, its about my life, my experiences, things that have happened to me whether they be good or bad experiences. Today, reading my essay out loud for everyone to hear was probably the most difficult thing I've had to do in a long time. I had a hard enough time trying to write it let alone trying to read it for any errors I had made. I tried to think about it not happening to me, like it was someone else's story that they were telling. Its so fresh in my mind, it feels like it was just yesterday even though this June will be a two years since the event. I feel like everytime someone reads my writing they are going to judge me personally, not just on how I like to write, but instead judge me and my life. Today I felt very vulnerable while I was reading my essay out loud, it was my worst fear when I was walking to class today. I was scared everyone would judge me and where I come from, that I had done the assignment completely wrong, or that I would start to get emotional while reading it out loud. It was a terrifying experience for me that I was scared to death that I would have to do.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Vital Signs -Natalie Kusz

Vital Signs by Natalie Kusz really made me think back deeper about the paper I am writing. I thought about all of the different senses that she used in her writing and how I could add a lot more sensory details into my own paper. I really liked how she talked about the smell of things in her past and recognizing the smells once she got older, how it brought up old memories for her and past experiences in her life. I know for me that everytime I go into a hospital that the smell of the halls and especially the foods bring back the memory of the month that I had spent visiting my dad in the hospital everyday after he had be shot. I can think back to specific moments and remember everything about that particular moment, what everyone was wearing, where everyone was sitting and exactly what they were saying, I can remember every thought that passed through my mind as I heard every word that the doctor said. I remember the smell of every lunch and dinner. Most of all, I got to see how much sensory details can really make a piece of writing come alive, they help readers be able to paint a picture while they're reading a piece of work. They are very helpfull.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

the scariest day of my life.

It was 2:30 in the morning and all I could hear were crickets chirping and the settling of the house. My dad had grown restless and gone on a late night walk around the neighborhood. Before I knew it an it was 3:30 and there was still no sign of him. I heard a loud bang and tires screech as someone speeds down the street. I hear a very familar voice yell "help! I've been shot!" I frantically jump out of bed and run down the hall to see what had happend when all at once it hit me that my dad had been shot in my own front yard. After about forty five minutes of dealing with cops the scariest moment of my life happend, watching my dad leave in an ambulance not knowing if I would ever see him alive again or if the next I would see him would be in a casket. I was terrified at that moment because I knew that I was the reason that he couldn't sleep, I was the reason that he had taken that late night walk and if he were to die that it would my fault. Before I had gone to bed that night I had argued with him for hours, it felt like it would never end. I told him of everything that I didn't like about him, I didn't hold back anything. I told him how I hated him, that I wish I would have never met him and I never knew who my father was. I can still see his face when I told him he was a sorry excuse for a father ealier that night, but as I sat and watched him bleeding to death in my front yard unable to move any of his limbs I regretted every word that I said to him just hours before. I couldn't help but think that if I had thought before I spoke or if I had just handled things more rationally that my dad would have been in bed sleeping like a baby and would have been spared. If I hadn't been such a drama queen about not being able to go stay at a friends house that night or if I didn't take my dad for granted that this would have never happend. I got lucky and got to see my dad alive after hours and hours of surgery and many close calls of loseing him. I got a second chance to really appreciate my dad. I had to learn the hard way not to take anything for granted, that at any moment anything could be taken away from me, even my own father.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

a new chapter in history text books...

Today marks a historic event in the United States. Who would have ever thought that a country that has a past of slavery would ever get to witness an African-American man taking the head chair in the oval office and now occupying the white house for at least the next four years. Most American's feel it is time for a change, time for someone else to take a chance in running what was the most powerful country in world and rebuilding what has been destroyed in the last eight long years. I myself am very anxious to see what Mr. Obama's first move will be, or should I now say president Obama. What will he do in the four years that he has to try to change the way the United States now stands. Will he be different and actually keep his word and the many promises he has made or will he back out of everything he initially stood for? Someone today asked me if I was excited that "change had come," and my response was that change has yet to occure, he hasn't been tested yet, let him have to make some decisions and then I can tell you if "change" truly has come. I guess some see it as racially change has come, but for me race, or even a religion was never a deciding factor, it was what was under the surface that mattered to me. I guess to answer the question I was asked earlier today: yes, I am excited that there has clearly been a change, fifty years ago Obama would have never even had a chance but then again neither would have Hillary Clinton. However, I am most excited to see what changes President Obama will be making. I do have my fears and my doubts but who doesn't when it comes to having someone new in the white house that will now be making decisions that control and effect your daily life. We will all have to see the changes that will come in due time but for now I have many different emotions about President Obama.

Friday, January 16, 2009

childhood memory- grandma's farm house

Another trip to grandma's farm house. An hour into the trip Rachel asks "how much longer until we get there?" Mom yells back "it'll be another hour or so." All four of the children sitting restlessly, anxiously waiting to see what surprise grandma has for them this time around. They pass the country market and the little white church, they know they're getting close. As they travel down the long dusty drive way with the unforgetable smell come from the slaughter houses a mile away, finally her house is in sight. They pull up and all pile out one by one and rush into grandma's house greeting her with one big hug from all of them at once. Mom comes closely behind and comments how good the pie she is baking smells. Grandma goes into the next room and retrieves the gifts she has gotten each them. All four children were sitting very still as she enters the room. Mom and grandma watch all of them open their gifts with grins from ear to ear. A basketball for Danny, a soccer ball for Mary, and matching make up kits for Rachel and Valerie. Each of the children thank their grandmother for what she had gotten for them. Mary and Danny go outside and start playing with theirs while the others sit and chat in the kitchen waiting to begin cooking dinner. Hours and hours would pass by while the younger children would stay outside playing until they could no longer see their hand in front of their face. Sooner or later mom would always yell "time to come in and wash up for dinner." Dinner was the best part, everything was made from scratch and it was always all of the kids favorite foods. The day to leave and come home was always the worst moment of the trip, everyone had to say goodbye and pile back up in the car for the long drive home. Back to reality, back to school for the kids and work for mom. It was always a short weekend trip but I never looked forward to anything as much as I did spending the weekend at my grandma's house!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it. -William Arthur Ward

Sometimes life seems like it is all about dreams and goals that one sets for themself, never knowing if one day their hopes and aspirations will ever really happen. I myself feel as if I will never reach my goal. Will I ever be able to get my life on track in order to reach the goals I have set for myself? It seems as if there are so many obstacles in my way, that no matter which way I turn I can never see the other side. Everyday it seems to get harder and harder as if the world is against me, some days I feel like I am aiming to high that maybe I should just shoot for something easier that I know I can achieve. I go through everyday hoping and praying that someday I will finally be able to see my dreams come true never knowing if they really will. I stumbled across this quote and it seemed to comfort me some how, its like a gleam of light leading in the right direction, it gives me hope that one day I will be able live my dream that one day I can prove to myself that life as I dream is not impossible. It inspires me to keep going and not to give up.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Dew Breaker

As I read the first few pages of the Dew Breaker I really wasn't sure where it would lead to and didn't think that I would be able to fully understand what it was going to convey. I really had a hard time trying to get into the book until I read more and realized that it is easily relatable for many people from all different walks of life. This book can be translated into anyone's life from anywhere in the world and they would be able to relate the emotions and the feelings of at least one of the characters. The themes present in this book are universal and easily recognizable. The Dew Breaker has a few situations that parallel to my own life which made it kind of hard for me to read; I almost wanted to close the book and never pick it back up because I felt like I knew exactly how it was going to end. To my pleasrue, I ended up finishing the book to an ending that I had not anticipated.